12 - 14 years

Each child will be different and may not present as their chronological age because of past experiences or additional needs. ⁽⁸⁾ Therefore, you may need to use language and resources from other age/stage sections of this toolkit.

All children should learn about the changes at puberty for both boys and girls, to help understand what is happening to them and to their peers.

Puberty can be a distressing time for transgender and non-binary young people, who may feel even more out of place in their own body than they did before puberty changes started. In addition to open discussion and support from staff and carers, it may be helpful to have some discussion with a GP. Some young people will find peer support helpful; carers can connect them in with one of the support groups run by LGBT Youth. Groups and Support LGBT Youth

• Most girls will have started puberty and most boys also start puberty now. Their testicles and penis begin to grow, as does their underarm and pubic hair. A growth spurt ensues. Their voice becomes deeper and facial hair starts to grow. Boys have their first ejaculation at the age of 13 (on average), which is a sign that they are sexually mature. 

• Girls also continue to develop. They have already had a growth spurt and now develop underarm and pubic hair. The average age for girls to have their first menstrual period is 12 yrs, indicating that they are sexually mature and could become pregnant. 
• Wet dreams may be experienced by both girls and boys. Masturbation may increase, for both boys and girls.  
• Adolescents can be very unsure about the growth of their bodies: “is it normal?”, “are they developing too slowly compared with others the same age?”  
• Changes occur in the “biological clock” during adolescence. As a result, teenagers have a natural tendency to fall asleep later and to wake up later. This is a contributing factor to feelings of tiredness during the day, which can increase during growth spurts. ⁽⁴⁾
• Adolescents have to get used to their “new body”, often feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. 

• Young people develop a sexual self-image: they see themselves as someone who can have sex, which is why it is important for them to be attractive. Since they are often unsure about their own body, they are often equally unsure about how attractive they are (to a potential partner). 
• Young people of this age are frequently very sensitive to the opinion of others: they can be influenced by their peers. 
• They also start finding people of the same age sexually attractive. 
• Young people gradually find out who they are attracted to and if they identify themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual, straight (or other terms).
• Young people consider their gender identity more and how they want to express this to others. Some young people will identify as transgender . See A-Z LGBTQ+ 
• They often truly fall in love for the first time. 
• They flirt with one another and have their first relationships. 
• More experience with kissing and caressing; petting. 
• 97% of children at this stage have a mobile phone and this is the main way they go online. ⁽²⁾
• By age 13, 50% of young people will have seen pornography. ⁽³⁾

All children in Scotland should be getting Relationships Sexual Health and Parenthood (RSHP) lessons at school as part of the Health and Wellbeing curriculum. Individual schools can choose what resources to use but most will now use rshp.scot, as it is the most up to date resource. All the content on this website is available for anyone to view and use.

These links take you to an overview of what children are learning at school and what you can do in the home setting to back this up.

Information from rshp.scot:

•  rshp.scot third and fourth level information for parents and carers
• Learning at home: ideas for parent and carers learning at Third and Fourth Level

All children need help from adults to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour. Past trauma may mean that a child or young person displays inappropriate and sometimes sexualised behaviour. Be clear with everyone in the house or care setting about what is acceptable and about the need for personal privacy. ⁽⁸⁾

Carers and staff should model respect for LGBTQ+ people. They should show they are welcoming and supportive of people coming out by talking positively about LGBT people in their life or in the media.

Puberty

• Boys will need ongoing information and support about the physical and emotional changes that come with puberty.  See video clips in A-Z Puberty, and A-Z Anatomy which provide a good overview.  
• Girls will need staff and carers to continue discussions about physical and emotional changes at puberty. If they haven’t started having periods yet, they will need support to prepare for their first period in terms of their feelings about this and on a practical level – choosing products they want to try from a full range of what is available, See A-Z Periods
• Different sexual orientations and gender identities need to be included in discussions, along with the acknowledgement that some young people will not be very interested in romantic relationships yet/at all. 

Brain Development

• All young people at this stage need staff and carers to help them understand some of the ongoing changes as a normal part of developing adolescence. Phases of physical growth and change cause tiredness and often align with changes in sleep patterns. Staff and carers can help young people to have a good sleep routine and should include a cut off time for use of phones/tablets and other electronic devices. 
• This stage of life brings increased expectations of young people’s academic and social skills at a time of significant brain development - see NSPCC Our Brain's Air Traffic Control below, especially in relation to their executive functioning skills. Most young people will struggle at some point to juggle the many demands on them from school, home and friends and will benefit from help to plan and/or manage their time well. They will need help with navigating friendships and relationships, risk taking, peer pressure and making healthy choices. 

Our Brain's Air Traffic Control (Executive Function) | NSPCC (3 min 43s) YouTube

Healthy Relationships and Consent

• All young people need staff and carers to help them learn which behaviours within relationships are healthy, which aren’t, and support available. Young people will benefit from ongoing, short, chats about healthy relationships and consent throughout the teenage years.  It can be feel more comfortable for young people to use situations in films/TV/on social media to start discussions about this. These resources provide an overview of some useful key messages to include and an interactive game to play with young people 

Relationships - Red and Green Flags (3min 34s)

 Healthy Relationships and Consent: Key Messages for Young People

Healthy relationships and consent resource for professionals working with young people

• Almost all young people will now have a smartphone and be using a range of social media for entertainment and to socialise. It is still important to have parental controls on their phone but equally important to have ongoing discussion about who they are socialising with online and what they are watching. Peer sharing of images is common and staff and carers need to talk with young people about what is ok and what is not. Sharing intimate images should be discussed, in general, as part of ongoing conversation about socialising online, not just in response to a situation where this has happened. These videos can help start conversations. 

Forever (1min 52s)

Send a Mole Rat Instead (1min 30s)

These are some key messages to use, that you can put into your own words. See P17 of Healthy Relationships and Consent Resource for Professionals working with Young People

• Sexual harassment is any form of unwanted sexual behaviour. Many young people at this stage and older will experience some form of sexual harassment in a range of settings – school, in the street, online – and need staff and carers to talk with them about this and that it is not their fault if it happens. This is a helpful overview from Brook - What is sexual harassment? This is a short video about  sexual harassment in Scottish schools - scroll to play video.
• Much of the free and easily accessed pornography that this age group may see shows sexual violence, mostly carried out on women by men. Staff and carers need to talk to teenagers about this and be clear about the difference between consensual sexual activities that give people mutual pleasure and sexual violence.

Sexual Health

• At the upper end of this stage, young people need to learn basic info about contraception, STIs, clinics and other helpful sources of information.

This tool has been developed by Stop it Now for parents, but is suitable for carers and staff to use. It describes behaviours that are developmentally expected and behaviours that are not healthy or safe.

Carers who are concerned about a child’s behaviour should share their concerns with the team around the child as a first action.

Staff should refer to their locality guidance and protocols.

Traffic Light Guide - Teenager