When the death of a child is near
Patient information leaflets
NHS Borders
For a copy of this information in:
- another language
- large print
- Braillie
- BSL DVD
Please tel: 01896 826000
"Information given on this site is not meant to take the place of a talk with your doctor or health worker."
When death is near
If you are reading this leaflet, it is possible that your child is dying at this time.
….the statement you have been dreading
….the statement you have known was coming
Whichever it is, there will be a whole mixture of feelings:
- Loss
- Pain
- Anger
- Fear of the unknown for yourself and your dying child,
- Relief that their suffering is ending,
- And many more feelings that belong to you, because of your relationship with your child
This leaflet may help you make sense of some of these feelings, and may also offer some practical advice. At this time it is important you talk to your GP, Community Children’s Nurse or Nurse Specialist about:
- Where you would like your child to die.
- Any religious or spiritual needs or specific wishes you have, on the handling of your child after they have died.
- How much you want to take part in the initial care of your child after they die.
(Remember — you can change your mind)
Taking care of yourself
For some people their dying may take some hours or days, so be aware of your own limitations as well as your strengths.
Who else might be around to support you both personally and practically — are there other family members or friends who can be around? Also, be aware of the members of the Health Care team who can offer both
information and emotional support.
You may not feel like eating regular meals, but it is important that you try to eat when you can.
Take breaks even if that feels unthinkable. Whenever you leave the bedside say a silent goodbye.
When staying by the bedside have a conversation that is appropriate with your child, and don’t be afraid to be
YOU.
When your child has died, you need to inform their GP or the on call GP (if out of hours) as soon as possible.
If you are at home there is no need to call the police or the ambulance service.
Funeral directors operate a 24hour service, should you wish to contact them at night.
Some General points that may be useful to think about
- Who else needs to be informed, and told what is happening?
- If in employment, what arrangements might you need to make?
- Are there any medical questions you need to go over with doctors or community team?
- Are you worried about your financial situation? (Do tell us, we may be able to point you in the direction of possible help).
- Would you want any spiritual personnel or your minister of religion to visit you?
- Are there any thoughts regarding burial or cremation?
- Have you decided which firm of funeral directors you wish to use?
The Funeral
There are various choices you will be asked to make. Please remember you are able to take as much, or as little responsibility for how the goodbye is done as your are able. Funeral directors and ministers are able to help.
For instance:
- What sort of service it will be,
- How long it will be,
- Who might attend or take part,
- What kind of music will there be,
- Will you have a photo display/ slide show.
Other sources of support
When bereaved, services that you may wish to access include:
Your GP
The Child Bereavement UK tel: 0800 02 888 40
http://www.childbereavementuk.org/
The Borders Child Bereavement Network tel: 01896 826835
Winston’s Wish
www.winstonswish.org.uk Freephone National Helpline tel: 08088 020 021
Cruse Bereavement Care
www.crusescotland.org.uk tel: 0808 802 6161
The Samaritans tel: 116 123 (free)