9 - 11 years

Each child will be different and may not present as their chronological age because of past experiences or additional needs.⁽⁸⁾ Therefore, you may need to use language and resources from other age/stage sections of this toolkit.

Typical development 9 - 11 years old ⁽¹⁾

• From about the age of 10, children become more interested in adult sexuality. They fantasise more about sexuality and hear and see all sorts of things online, on TV/films and watch or hear about things on social media which arouses their curiosity. Nevertheless, their response may be prudish or offhand if you try to talk to them about sexuality. 
• The first steps towards love may be taken during this phase: young people start to have ‘crushes’ and make cautious advances towards one another (holding hands, kiss on the cheek, etc.) 
• At the younger end of this stage, some children will have a phone and many won’t. This changes at the upper end of this age range. In 2022 Ofcom reported that 91% of 11 year olds owned a smartphone.⁽²⁾  
• By age 11, 27% of children have seen pornography.⁽³⁾ 

All children in Scotland should be getting Relationships Sexual Health and Parenthood (RSHP) lessons at school as part of the Health and Wellbeing curriculum. Individual schools can choose what resources to use but most will now use rshp.scot, as it is the most up to date resource. All the content on this website is available for anyone to view and use.

These links take you to an overview of what children are learning at school and what you can do in the home setting to back this up.

Information from rshp.scot:

•  rshp.scot second level information for parents and carers
• Learning at home: ideas for parent and carers about learning at Second Level

All children need help from adults to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour. Past trauma may mean that a child or young person displays inappropriate and sometimes sexualised behaviour. Be clear with everyone in the house or care setting about what is acceptable and about the need for personal privacy. ⁽⁸⁾

All children going through these changes need adults to help them understand that the emotions are part of puberty and that it is normal but that it can be unsettling as it can feel like you are not in control of your body. It’s important that children are not labelled as ‘moody’ or ‘grumpy’ but these feelings and behaviours are linked back to puberty and they are helped to manage their feelings. 

On average, girls are about 2 years ahead of boys in puberty development at this stage. However, some boys will be starting to experience these emotional fluctuations and need the same support and patience. All children should learn about the changes at puberty for both boys and girls, to help understand what is happening to them and to their peers.

• The sex hormones become active, manifested in behaviour and physical development, but also in perception and emotional mood swings. All children will experience emotional changes, usually a year or two before physical changes. Girls usually reach puberty two years earlier than boys. Obvious physical changes include the growth of breasts and an increase in height. 

This document is an overview of changes that happen to all children/young people. It is suitable for children age 9-13yrs to read and discuss with you or for you to read together - Puberty and your body | Childline

These videos are useful to support discussions:

Puberty: feeling depressed, happy and other emotions (duration 1 minute 45):

Early or delayed puberty – information about reasons Early or delayed puberty - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Puberty changes in boys age 10-13 years - Top signs boys are in puberty (duration 3 minutes 24):

Puberty, body odor and other changes for boys (duration 2 minutes 33):

Puberty changes girls aged 9-12 - Top signs girls are in puberty (duration 1 minute 57):

Breast development and worries about it.

This is a short video for a child/young person to watch and discuss with you - Does breast size really matter? (duration 3 minutes):

See also A-Z Periods and Periods below

Additional Support for Learning Needs – the national teaching resource has resources specifically designed for learners with additional needs: Learners with Additional Support Needs (ASN) - RSHP

This website is specifically about puberty and has lots of interactive games to help your discussions if your young person has additional needs: Planet Puberty.

Girls will need support to prepare for their first period in terms of their feelings about this and on a practical level. They will need in choosing products they want to try from the full range of what is available.

These short videos can help discussion: 

Menstruation: what to expect (duration 3 minutes 18) by amaze.org:

Tampons, Pads and Menstrual Cups (duration 2 minutes 9) by amaze.org: 

At this age children might be online more with less supervision, doing homework, chatting to friends, playing games or watching YouTube. It is helpful to talk with them about how being online is like being in a place, and wherever they are they need to be and feel safe. Children need help to learn about what information not to share and about coming to you if something they see or hear upsets them.

At this stage, it is recommended that parental controls are still used to restrict access to inappropriate content.

 InternetMatters.org Parental controls

At the upper end of this stage some children will see pornography online. They are more likely to stumble across it than deliberately search for it and/or be shown images by a peer. The possibility of this should be covered as part of online safety discussions with 11-year-olds especially if they have, or are getting, a phone.

One of the safety rules needs to be that they tell you if someone shows them pornography or if they come across it online. Easily accessed online pornography presents a distorted view of sex that often shows sexual violence carried out on women and caregivers need to be able to talk about this with a child who has seen pornography.

The NSPCC have some helpful guidance about how to do this.

This tool has been developed by Stop it Now for parents, but is suitable for carers and staff to use. It describes behaviours that are developmentally expected and behaviours that are not healthy or safe.

Carers who are concerned about a child’s behaviour should share their concerns with the team around the child as a first action.

Staff should refer to their locality guidance and protocols.

Parents Protect: Helping you understand the sexual development of children aged 5-11