6. Reflections on Silence and Speech

Reflections on Silence and Speech:

• It may be helpful for us to reflect on our experience of silence and its associations as we prepare for the day. For some people, even the thought of having a session or day without speaking can feel daunting and bring up a lot of anxiety. Some say that they have never spent this long before without speaking, and even speak in their sleep!
  
  
• We have all had previous experience of silence, some of which may have been positive, but it is likely that some of it may have been difficult for us and will have left some negative associations. We may associate silence with discomfort: not sure what to say; walking into a room and experiencing people stopping talking; “being sent to Coventry”; being punished by other’s refusing to talk to you; angry silences; feelings of isolation or being alone. We may have used talking, or breaking silence with others, as a means of ending uncomfortable moments, seeking reassurance, being noticed or being seen. We may also have used silence as a way of communicating our anger, disapproval, or lack of interest.
  
  
• We no doubt have also been in social occasions where, despite the words being spoken, there has not been any real meeting of people, where conversation has seemed empty and disconnected, devoid of a heart-felt quality, and failing to make any real connections. How much we can yearn in these situations for real contact, and the relief of being together with people without the need for small-talk, point-scoring, gossiping or the need to fill every gap with meaningless chatter.
  
  
• There will have been times when we have connected to someone deeply in silence, and these can be profound moments: perhaps we are sitting on the side of the bed of someone who is sick or dying; perhaps we are sharing a precious moment with a loved one; or sharing a moment of true connection with another, where nothing needs to be said; or those privileged moments when we sit with another in a shared moment of understanding, each being held and witnessed by the other - the space between us energized, vibrant and alive. It is at these moments that time seems to stand still and we can appreciate the richness of connection and “being with” that can be experienced through silence.
  
  
• In silence, we can find abundance and a wealth of communication. It occurs through a heightened sense of presence and intimacy in which our senses are open and live. It happens in those places where words seem superfluous: the soothing spaces after apologies which are well meaning; the knowing silences of forgiveness and acceptance; a loving gesture between people who know one another well; the sharing of an awe inspiring experience of shooting stars, a breath-taking sunset, or a velvety black midnight walk along a loch-side!
  
  
• Silence can become a wonderful offering when we encounter the wonders of nature and the mystery of all things that cannot be explained. We may find communion in nature through silence: watching the grass hopper eat out of our hand; standing still in the forest with only our breath, face to face with the young deer appearing behind the next tree! There is a quality in these moments that we will disturb or even destroy if we try to put it into words. Words are often clumsy and limiting and can imprison living experience into conceptual moulds of our minds. They can take us away from direct experience and drive us into our heads where the vitality of experience is frozen and deadened by thoughts.
  
  
• Poetry often makes the attempt to bridge the gap between awe-inspiring experiences and our desires to communicate them. Mary Oliver’s poem, “Stars”, shares the experience of awe and wonder at observing the night sky filled with stars, and the seeming intrusion of language – the words which appear to try to explain and make sense of what is being experienced, and which provide a barrier to the direct observing. The poem is about the relationship between silence and the need to communicate. The words which come out of the silence are a celebration of what is observed and a gift in the form of the poem.