1. Mindful communication:

    Mindful communication:

As we pay attention to our patterns of communication, we can become aware of how unmindful this can be at times. We may notice that we fail to listen deeply to the other person, because we are getting caught up in planning or rehearsing what we are going to say next, often interrupting or even finishing the other person’s sentence for them, so we can get our air-space. We may find that our attention is not fully on the other person: that we are hearing through the veils of our own preconceived ideas, opinions, judgments and stories. We may feel urges to give advice, to educate, to interrogate, to explain, to analyse, to correct, to console, to reassure, to humour, to judge, to divert, to shut up, to disagree, to match against our own stories or theories. We may have a sense of our communications being rushed because of our agendas and pressures of time, because we are distracted, because we are lost in our thoughts, because we are not really interested. All of these habits can serve to derail effective communication.

Perhaps we talk too much and have lost the ability to deeply listen to another. It is said that the most precious gift we can give to another is our presence. Within our presence is the heart of empathy and deep understanding. With true empathy, we listen to another with our whole being and not just with our ears. We listen with a mind emptied of our own notions and ideas. We are able to fully hear the other person, not just the message, but also the emotions and needs underlying this. We are able to give the other person the space, without hurrying and without interruptions to speak their truth.

1. Are you aware of your particular unhelpful communication habits? Are you prepared to try to change them?
2. What is your relationship to silence? How do you respond to gaps in conversation? Is your mind filled with inner chatter, even when you are not talking to another?
3. How are you when you are listening to another? Do you tend to interrupt, or to try to turn the conversation around to your ideas, your experiences, and your agendas?
4. Are you able to make choices as to whether or not you get involved in unwholesome conversations, such as unpleasant gossiping or general negativity? Do you notice how you are affected by the mind states of others through their conversations? What aspects of your own state of mind are revealed through your communication patterns?
5. What types of communication do you find most wholesome and satisfactory? How do you feel after such interactions? What are the best conditions for bringing these about? How can you help others to ensure more nourishing communications?
6. Listen to the inner dialogue in your mind? How do you speak to yourself? Are you aware of speaking to yourself with unkindness, with impatience, with irritability? How judging are your thoughts?
7. Has your style of communication changed in any way through the practice of mindfulness? How is your ability to be present, to feel empathic and to listen deeply to another? Has this changed?
8. Have you tried to build spaces into your life where you can practice silence and where there is no need to talk to another? Are you able to listen more deeply to yourself at these times?